Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
