I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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