we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
time to smoke my breakfast
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
