loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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