Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
