oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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