found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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