I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
