As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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