one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
