did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
how drunk are you?
Several
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
