After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
