he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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