Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
