so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
