he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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