In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
