We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
