Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
