We're facebook friends in real life
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
