just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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