If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
