his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
