I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
