p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
