May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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