3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
