Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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