Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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