Need sex. Gaining weight.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
