Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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