1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
