My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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