Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
