Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
