i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
