So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
