Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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