hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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