I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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