smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
