Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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