apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
