And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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