She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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