On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
