i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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