We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
