I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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