I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
