I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
