I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
