I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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