Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
