One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
