it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
These tits shall not be calmed
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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