Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wear drunk well.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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